If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
