I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
