I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
