Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize