in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize