Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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