did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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