i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
