I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
