I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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