The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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