I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.