just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks