my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
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All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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