You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?