We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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