if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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