I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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