and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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