what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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