I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
