Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
