My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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