can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
