i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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