when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
