According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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