grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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