i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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