Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I love you.
Bad choice
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
