I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
