If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
