i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Houston, we have a blender
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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