I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
