Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
