why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
