ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
