She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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