btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
