I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
