Screwed.edu
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
