First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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