I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
