Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
