someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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