You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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