There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
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I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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