sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
