TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
