I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
