Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
