I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
