Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
