So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
