I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
