I puked a lego.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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