I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
