my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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