he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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