i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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