Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
