I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
