We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
