i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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