Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize