There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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