never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
