I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
